Wednesday, December 31, 2014

This Shit Is Disgusting

I see this and I fear the end of days - dreadful acts by humans which poison themselves and the good Earth. Please make it stop.


This is a recipe for disaster! It's shit like this that leads to an uninhabitable environment, extinction and zombie apocalypse. Haven't we learned anything??


Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Liebster Award!




Thanks to my wonderful BFF who continues to support my blogging efforts and nominated me for the Liebster Award - I accept!

Now, I proceed to answer her questions:

What made you get into blogging?
Reading cool blogs.


If you had to spend a year on a deserted island and could only bring one non-electronic item with you, what would it be?
No, I could never do this! I would die! Please don't make me! No one thing (Sunblock, water purifier, flint, dental floss?) would help me get through this torture.

What skill or strength of yours are you most proud of?
Ugh... It's not twerking. 

What is one goal you have for yourself in the coming year, big or small?
Make another production.

Let’s say you were granted an opportunity to try out another career for a year without any risk to your current job/career and with all your financial needs adequately met, what would it be?
Directing.

Would you classify yourself as an introvert or an extrovert?
Both but more seemingly extroverted.

What is one of your favorite movies or TV shows?

What is your opinion of
the Mars One program, which plans to send people on a one-way trip to Mars in 2024 — specifically, are the people who want to take part being selfish, as some have claimed?
I cannot relate to these people at all. They sound incredibly crazy (and brave?) to me. I don't view it as being selfish as much as suicidal.
Wait, scratch that - I just read the linked article. Yes, this makes Sonia a bad wife.

Do you speak any other languages besides English? If so, which ones, and how fluent are you?
Malayalam and I'm alright. I can understand it pretty fluently but speak it meh.

What part of the world would you choose to visit if you won a free trip and hotel stay to anyplace you wanted?
I'd stay domestic. I'm not down for international travel.

Is there a fashion trend, past or present, that you can’t stand?
I can't think of an answer immediately so maybe the answer is no. 

I am skipping the nominating part so this chain dies with me! Sorry! 

Constellations on Broadway


How could they leave you hanging Jake!?


***I wrote this letter to the Director of Constellations, currently in preview performances on Broadway, starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Ruth Wilson. It won't really make much sense if you haven't seen the show but I decided to post the letter here as a blog post since I'm (maybe) a tad shy of being obnoxious/delusional enough to actually deliver it.***

12/22/14

Dear Michael,

I saw Constellations at the Samuel J. Friedman Theater this weekend and commend you on your efforts.

I am aware that your His Royal Court production [in London] won the Evening Standard Award for Best Play 2012 and received 4 Olivier nominations. Congratulations.

Your actors are amazing. However, last Saturday night, they did not receive a standing ovation from the audience. Despite their positive fronts, the actors’ disappointment was palpable. I think the disconnect comes from confusion that the play actually ended. The time it seems to take for the audience to digest the ending exceeds the fleeting moments available for applause/recognition. 


You don’t need feedback from a stranger. However, I’m taking the liberty of offering some thoughts as I have nothing to lose, and we live in an age of technology where a reality that you’d actually read this letter seems possible, even if unlikely.

  • The lighting work in your play is an exciting and unique visual technique. However, the lighting regularly and frequently goes dark in between the various realities; therefore, it is not immediately clear that the play has ended when the light again goes dark in similar fashion after the final scene. There was a terribly awkward pause between the end of the play and the audience’s realization eventually leading to broken and scattered applause. This can’t be gratifying to your tremendous performers/production which deserves a thunderous ovation. I believe a unique visual (lighting) cue at the end that more clearly signifies the end of the play would be beneficial. 
  • It was unclear to me why balloons [making up the set] were falling towards the end of the play. Maybe that’s just fine left as a mystery but I’m not sure if there’s a message that’s meant to be conveyed. It was interesting to note though that Marianne’s character specifically expresses her contempt for being surrounded by balloons when she’s dying and yet the entire stage production is filled with “balloons.” So, the balloons/balloon lighting, as beautiful as they are, seem to be an affront to the character and her experience. The "bursting" of all the balloons, including the “lighting balloons” being retracted to accomplish this effect, combined with the dramatic sound effect of all those balloons popping, could be a special effect that differentiates your penultimate scene from the final scene. These types of theatrics, which would better herald the ending, could be considered unnecessary (and expensive; impractical); but, it would also give Marianne what she wants (in more ways than one). 
  • I really appreciated how Jake, through his varied performances, was able to distinguish Roland's proposal scenes. When he receives the news of Marianne's illness (malignant or benign), Roland is comforting, reassuring, relieved (even angry). In the scenes where they discuss her decision to depart, he’s pretty much a restrained constant. It dawned on me that I never witnessed Roland as a tearful, crying, hot mess, or Marianne for that matter, in any scene where they’re confronting Marianne’s illness. This would have been very humanizing and relatable. The lack of more strong emotions leaves a gaping hole in their relationship. The stakes have to be higher and he just seems too cool and she too calculating in every iteration. 
  • Marianne is constantly quirky. She is comedic; she is exhilarating; she can also be cold and clinical (like when she is explaining adultery or her illness). That’s her character. If there could be a tad more warmth infused in her, it may help us care more about Roland and Marianne’s fate. She is almost too cold in every version of Roland’s proposal; even when she says yes, it’s more comedic than moving. Subtle performance choices may help the audience get more invested in their fate, to actually hope and root for these characters even as we are offered a multitude of possibilities and should know better. I’d like to see more tenderness, more feeling, more passion – even more physicality for an American production. I’m not saying these characters should be making out on stage; however, there was a distance between them that I’m not sure was wholly covered by the time we get to the end, where I believe we’re supposed to be hoping that they get to share a fate that allows them to be together even if the odds of this are unclear/against them. 
  • It works that the actors wore the same outfits throughout the play. However, we never see any even minor changes in their looks. For example, Marianne never lets her hair down. This contributes to a static feeling throughout the play and in the characters despite the passage of time and countless possibilities. Maybe that’s what you want? But changing up things slightly in her (or his look), can help you further differentiate versions of the same scene that start feeling overly repetitive based on dialogue shifts alone. Maybe in one version of the bedroom scene, Marianne could reveal more by removing/unbuttoning an outer layer of her clothing, which could signify a change in her own openness. There may be ways to play around with this and still allow her to return to the status quo for alternate scenes.
  • I expect you must strictly stick to Nick Payne’s script. I wish you had flexibility, in particular with respect to Roland’s question to Marianne in the final scene to which Marianne always responds that the seller of his honey just stared. If only Marianne could have answered differently in that final scene to that otherwise unspectacular question – the answer then leaving the audience to wonder if this time things happened differently or to question whether the differences and similarities among scenes reside actually in the characters’ choices about what to reveal to each other.
Congratulations and all the best on your Broadway run.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Hello Again Lenovo...


*"Thank you Sir; May I have another?" pic copied from http://lemmingscliffnotes.blogspot.com/2011/07/original-originals.html

I am an idiot. I don't want to bother finding a replacement laptop from another company especially because I actually really liked the ThinkPad (although, it's quite annoying that the PgUp and PgDn keys are next to the arrow keys and even more annoying that my fingers can't tell the difference). 

So despite this, and this, I just reordered another Lenovo ThinkPad. 

The draw was that if I do it now, I can get the same Black Friday deal I took advantage of in November. The price has gone up since then! Also, I can benefit from the free return special being offered now only through Christmas - so I figure, if I hate this second one (and myself), I can go through this rigmarole again.

Goodbye Lenovo



The laptop I received just a week ago is defective (flickering screen). I attempted to reach Lenovo customer support by phone. The phone menu was confusing and complicated, which resulted in holding to speak to a representative, and then holding some more after being informed that I needed to be rerouted to another department. 


Hold time for Sales (for new orders) - short/under a minute;

Hold time for Customer Care (for service on existing orders) - 1 hour and 33 minutes and running! [I kept my phone going out of curiosity post-blog publication and reached 2 hours and 15 minutes before needing to make another phone call!] 

For this reason, although there's also this reason, I am returning my Lenovo ThinkPad T440p. Too bad - I actually liked the machine enough that I was initially inclined to exchange it. However, I'm now seriously disturbed by such awful customer service. I'm going to take advantage of their supposed free holiday return policy. 

Friday, December 19, 2014

Mrs. Clooney and Misogynist Media


The misguided author of this article, "The New Trophy Wife" believes she's empowering women as she shits all over them.

Isn't the essence of this entire piece (oxy-)moronic? How do you simultaneously celebrate accomplished women like Amal Clooney and then designate her as an "upscale" redefinition of a "Trophy Wife?" Even women deemed to have attained equal earning power and career position would ultimately still be objectified by this author as a desirable mate's accessory- and that's something for the rest of us to admire? 

This disturbing message is not a new trend. In Beyonce's ridiculously sexist but crazy catchy song, she pleads to her man to be allowed to "Upgrade U":
"Ran by the man but the women keep the tempo, it's very seldom that you're blessed to find your equal, still play my part and let you take the lead role. Believe me. I'll follow, this could be easy."

Even Queen B, in all her powerful glory, glamorizes settling for sidekick as the ultimate aspiration. I consider this to be a pretty crappy message. 

The Huffingpost blog post author lauds the replacement of "the woman who got ahead on her looks by marrying a 'sugar daddy'" by the new edition, accomplished Trophy Wife, proclaiming "That's sexy."  

That's sexy?? For whom? I'm confused. What are we even talking about anymore? Heavy sedation and a spinning totem may be required just to wade one's way through the presumptions within presumptions that flimsily arrive at the illogical limbo of this author's flawed conclusion.

The author even interjects in her article "Hooray equality!" However, I do not think that word means what she thinks it means.

Using demeaning generalizations and phrases like "brainless beauty," and by equating earning power, high salaries, lofty academic degrees, and professional positions with worthiness, this author does more to set back feminism in the 21st century than any Don Draper could (I actually don't watch Mad Men - I just assume Don Draper is a sexist from the 50s?). These modernized gender constructs are no less destructive to female empowerment than their antiquated counterparts. 

The author's concluding message involves a quote identifying the hallmarks of the new-age "alpha" women as "power, success and financial security," the overarching value of these qualities residing in their newfound likeliness to inspire erections and/or wealthy marriage proposals. I guess the poor recipients of unimpressive B.A. degrees are effed. Good luck settling for less powerful vagrants, like teachers, firemen and public servants. And God help the spinsters. 

Friday, December 12, 2014

Lenovo Cancer Warning

I was just delivered a Lenovo ThinkPad laptop.

This warning label was on the outside of the box:


What the eff!???!!!

What does this even mean? I'm going to call Lenovo customer service (who will convince me to keep the laptop anyway).

Sunday, December 7, 2014

The Walking Dead Season 5 Mid-season Finale - "Coda"

*Picture courtesy of http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com

co·da
kōdə/ noun 
1 a : a concluding musical section that is formally distinct from the main structure. 
   b : a concluding part of a literary or dramatic work.


The mid-season finale aired last Sunday, 11/30, but I was so underwhelmed I am forcing myself to post only now, a week later.

I suppose what follows are spoilers but there wasn't much that wasn't rotten about this episode to begin with.


I second-guessed that I was even watching the mid-season finale because of how uneventful the episode was until the last five minutes. I get how things work now. I can just imagine zombie executives sitting around a conference room discussing their Walking Dead formula - elevate an otherwise non-essential character to only summarily kill off the character to give the masses something to talk about (and petition, really?) in an otherwise dull half-season. How lazy! 

Everything involving the hospital in the first part of this season 5 was just a contrived and empty construct leading to nothing but the elimination of an insubstantial character who was systematically inflated to artificially create the impression of a meaningful loss. I was as emotionally invested in this character's departure as I was (not) moved by the hokey folk music she performed in the last few minutes of previous episodes in place of a satisfying ending.  

It's not her fault that she was so poorly used. Who will be the baby Jude holder now (besides Tyrese, Carl and Michionne, who is also being wasted - even Carol has evolved!)? If your role on the show is to explain baby Jude's whereabouts and continued survival, your character's days are numbered. 

By the way, the actress who played Officer Dawn Lerner wasn't very good in the part and the character was a bore (although, it was cool to see her hold her own in a fight scene last episode). The best part of this episode was that Walking Dead brought an end to subjecting us to Officer Lerner, although they continue to waste our time and their season.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Hating on/Review of the Doritos Crash the Super Bowl Semifinalists

*Pic courtesy of some Random Blog - no, literally.

3 of the 11 commercials I featured in my review of Doritos Crash the Super Bowl contest entries are among the 29 semifinalists:

Dog Dreams
Lemonade Stand
and the commercial I noted in my "Updates" after originally posting: Doritos Angler

Despite my weak prediction track record, below are my picks for the 10 finalists. You can see how subjective this whole process is by reading another review of the semifinalists here on the Video Contest News website.

In no particular order after the first half:
Dog Dreams - however, the VCN reviewer points out that the driver's lack of a seat-belt could be an issue because federal regulations prohibit advertisers from depicting unsafe driving. Can they just "video-shop" that in?
Do the federal ad regulations relating to driving apply to dreams about driving?

Doritos Angler - I think this commercial is ridiculously absurd and funny! 

Lemonade Stand

When Pigs Fly - which I reviewed in the comments to my earlier Doritos post.

Tea Time

Mis-Spelling Bee

Wish Upon a Dorito

Actually, I am finding it painful to come up with 10.


Here are my thoughts on the others:

Middle Seat is a well-produced commercial - also requesting a review in the comments of my earlier post. However, I just can't get past the crude dig against sufferers of Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). I don't find it funny at all and I don't think it's acceptable for a nationally airing commercial to be so insensitive with respect to a medical condition. 
In fact, it seems this entry breaches the Doritos contest official rules:
"it must not contain... messages (including but not limited to words, images or symbols that are widely considered offensive to individuals of a certain race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic, or other group..."

Gone Ape - How could these guys have missed the obvious punchline of the ape shoving the triangle into the mouth of the doctor who slapped her hand? 

Baby's First Word - This is a well-made commercial but it's far too predictable. Who didn't know where this one was going the moment it started?


These are the semifinalists that completely left me head-scratching:


What Could Go Wrong? - In my opinion, this is the worst of all of the 29 semifinalists! Besides the low production quality, I am really perturbed by Doritos finding anything funny about a woman being hurled off a roof-top. Especially in light of the recent incidents of violence against women by NFL players, why would Doritos or the Superbowl want to be associated with a commercial making light of even the accidental harm to/death of a woman. It's just not funny. 
In addition, does this not violate this official Doritos rule? "must not portray neck and/or head injuries or symptoms thereof, including, without limitation, concussion or memory loss." 
I guess events leading to these prohibited injuries and/or fatalities are okay and even comical to the Doritos judges?

Trouble in the Back Seat - low production quality and completely unoriginal idea. How many Doritos commercials are out there involving a police officer making a traffic stop?

I Did That - same comments as those for "Trouble in the Back Seat" but just swap out police officer making a traffic stop with man dressed up as a Doritos chip guilty of nacho hand-stains on a woman's butt.

Pink Slip - good Doritos eating actor but how would a commercial with such low production quality ever air on prime-time television, let alone during the Super Bowl? Come on.

Other semifinalists I straight up hated: Blind Date, Doritos Manchild and Cheesy Teasy. 

The remaining semifinalists I didn't mention didn't really inspire a strong reaction either way. My brother got a kick out of "Tiny Mouth," which was ranked #2 by the VCN reviewer but I don't really get it? Which means it will probably win.

Despite posting like a hater, good luck to the semifinalists!