Eff Walking Dead

*Picture courtesy memecrunch.com

So, basically, Walking Dead is like that hot girl you had totally been lusting over suddenly deciding she wants to eff you back, and even better, the effing exceeds all of your effing expectations.

Then, after an amazing honeymoon period of endless effing, where you actually even enjoy cuddling, she decides you two should get to know each other better. Surprisingly, you're actually down with that. The effing's been so good, you're actually interested in investing more time in to this relationship.

So, now in between getting effed sporadically, she wants to talk about her childhood, and her hopes and dreams, and her new coworkers, and her daily grind at the farm, and are they really trying to go there with Carol and Daryl cause she looks like his mom, and where the eff is Sophia, and are you even effing listening anymore?!

But great effing bears all things, believes all things, and so you stick with it through a couple of more seasons, because here and there, she sprinkles in a little action and excellent finales that keeps hope alive for that hard-core effing that initially bonded you.

Gradually, amidst all of Andrea's inane whining and long awaited demise, and a whole episode of pointless conversation with the Governor when Rick should have just effing shot him in the head - I mean, after everything you've been through Rick, why the eff would you just sit around fake negotiating with this villain who just sneak attacked you and your family!!? -it dawns on you that she wants you to change.

No longer are you good enough as the person she initially met and wanted to full-blown eff. Now, she is relentlessly nagging you, but at an incredibly slow-moving pace, about how you should be willing to listen to her more. She needs you to be less interested in fast-paced and regular effing. She wants you to just be there, present, through entire episodes where the plot is not moved forward at all and characters are engaging in behaviors that make no sense for them.

You question yourself - maybe there is some method that you don't yet understand to this plodding and irregular character development that leads to nowhere?

Could this lethargy ironically resuscitate the now-defunct effing and bring back the effing that once was, perhaps even effing better than before?

But slowly, painfully, you realize, revived zombie-ass effing is not as good as effing when you were both alive, before this thing that you once loved had sucked the life out of you. You effing find out that you're not alone -your girl has effed all of your friends and millions of strangers in the same way! Most of them linger, like you, haunted by the past of glory days long dead. Some are in complete denial, lying to themselves about being satisfied and holding out for a hopeless future. Those, with far better judgment, have long abandoned this whore. The brutal truth fully emerges - AMC, making mad advertising dollars pimping off your girl, is too short sighted to care about the long term consequences of jerking all of you around.

Plus, she's totally let herself go and you're not even sure you want to eff her anymore. But there's no one else to eff on Sunday nights in your life right now, and you're extremely loyal, even to the memories of a good lay. So now, you're basically effed unless something better comes along. You admit, this is partly your fault. If only you hadn't been so superficial in the first place. No-effing-thing lasts forever.