Saturday, May 31, 2014

My Downfall

Despite completing 16 exercise sessions by the end of this fifth week since my fitness reboot, TCBY Golden Vanilla Frozen Yogurt, chock full of ridiculous toppings (such as heath, toasted coconut, mixed nuts, extra extra crunchies and hot fudge), is proving to be my downfall. I succumbed to this diabetes-provoking concoction twice this week.

I'll take a picture next time before (and also, by then, after) it hits my gut.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Get Physical

I finally made it to the doctor's office for an annual checkup, four years late. Here are some inspiring (and foreboding) messages that were posted on the walls:



Well damn. 

I'll get my results in about two weeks. In the meantime, I made sure to fit in exercise sessions 12&13 this week after four days of slacking. 

Sunday, May 18, 2014

I Saw ... (after I Ate)

Boy George performing a Lorde song at the Billboard Music Awards. 














Following which Miranda Lambert & Carrie Underwood sang "Something Bad About To Happen" but their outfits, hair and makeup had already happened, as well as the creepy holographic Michael Jackson performance of a song he didn't consider worthwhile to release in his own lifetime. 



p.s. Exercise sessions 10&11 happened earlier this weekend (but not 12 this Sunday). Good thing, cause what I ate included:

BBQ Chicken Nachos


Bandeja Paisa (Colombian Platter)
grilled skirt steak, pork chicharron, white arepa,
rice & beans, fried egg, maduros, avocado, cabbage salad


Pernil (slow roasted pulled pork, marinated in Colombian beer, orange garlic mojo)


Fried seafood appetizer

Fish Tacos

Missing dessert pictures of the churros, tres leche cake, molten chocolate cake and banana caramel bread pudding, all served by the lovely Joanna at the Yelper favorite Bogota Latin Bistro.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Demand More, Fat Girls!

This scene from Louis C.K.'s sitcom, Louie, is being celebrated all over the internet:


A Jezebel article called it " absolutely magnificent" summing it all up as "Vanessa, who knows she's fat and is okay with it, isn't having it and proceeds to deliver one of the best dressing downs ever seen on television."

Was the author watching the same scene while doped up? First of all, Vanessa clearly is NOT okay with being fat, and in fact states "I'm fat. It sucks to be a fat girl. Can people just let me say it? It sucks. It really sucks."  

Second, as far as delivering one of the best dressing downs ever seen on tv, while the character of Vanessa indeed serves up an unfiltered reprimanding, it was more pathetic than empowering or charming. She basically proceeds to beg to have her hand held until her subject relents. Did Louie have any other option that would salvage his humanity? 

The exchange above, filled with awkward pauses, strained filming, and the actress's amateurish delivery, was completely unrealistic as far as its effectiveness in the real world outside of scripted television. A relationship has no (good) future that stems from forcing a person into acting upon feelings he/she doesn't have, and any person who would settle for as much probably isn't worth dating anyway. Vanessa has no qualms about employing the "guilt-trip" with little regard for the feelings of the object of her affection simply to get what she wants, conveying an immaturity and selfishness that are way bigger red flags for date-ability than her waistline. It would have been far more empowering if the character, following her rant, had not settled for pity-intimacy but instead made Louie work for it.

Have fat women and their supporters really set the bar this low?

Somebody get Vanessa a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You" stat. Her weight is the least of her problems, and probably representative of overeating to fill the gaping hole of her missing self-esteem.
 

p.s. I really need to upload a Twitter picture.

Update - BFF alerted me to this concurring article!

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Kristen Merlin Exits The Voice

Tonight, the seemingly inevitable finally came to pass and Kristen Merlin was disappointingly eliminated from The Voice. She had a great run despite The Voice's best efforts to do her dirty. I hope to see her make it even bigger in the future.

Both Jake Worthington and Christina Grimmie survived eliminations to join Josh Kaufman in the final three. Shows what I know.

Here's an interesting article discussing whether The Voice's Instant Save gimmick hurt Kristen Merlin's chances of making it to the Top 3.


I did not exercise today because I felt under the weather (not that I need any excuses not to exercise). 
I enjoyed a delicious dinner prepared by my lovely Mummy. Baked salmon steak, mashed plantains and beans, plain yogurt and spicy Indian pickle... all up in my face. YUM.

Monday, May 12, 2014

Exercise Day 9 & DAP Movie #7: Madagascar 3 - Europe's Most Wanted

Done & Done.

This is part of my ongoing series of DAP posts.

Dreamworks Animation Movie #7
Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted
2012
Rating: PG
Budget: 145 million
Box Office: 746 million plus (even more than the sequel!)



IMDb Logline: "Alex, Marty, Gloria and Melman are still fighting to get home to their beloved Big Apple. Their journey takes them through Europe where they find the perfect cover: a traveling circus, which they reinvent - Madagascar style."

Lazy Review: Madagascar 3 was cute but 2 remains my favorite. 3 was less grounded as far as storyline which actually fit its circus theme. Running away with the circus also lent itself to really cool animated scenes. 

After the movie: I missed most of The Voice and am now in progress watching Christina Grimmie's major misstep singing Fun's "Some Nights." Too bad. 


Not exactly 10 minutes later: I'm not really loving Jake Worthington's rendition of Bryan Adam's "Heaven" either. Usher gave some helpful background on vocal issues that Jake has been suffering. This helps me to better appreciate, not hate. 

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Exercise Day 8 & Grasshopper Class

And Gym Day 5. I ate a lot today. Happy Mother's Day!

I don't follow Oprah's Master Class on the OWN network but occasionally I catch shitty bits and pieces. There's something awfully pretentious about the enterprise, from the title, to the unnecessary and unflattering extreme close-ups - especially for Jay-Z:

It strikes me as not that removed from Brad Pitt's Chanel No. 5 commercials.


Now compare to this:

 
Could this be any more fake? Has Justin been practicing delivering bad acting monologues? Does affecting a subdued tone convey mastery? How phony is this "confession" preceded by pause for a beat, sideways glance, cue: "I've never told anybody that Michael story." 

Why not? Why is this such a secret? Did Michael touch you in a private place when he made his recording request? You didn't tell your manager? a friend? your mom?? not one person that Michael Jackson was interested in recording a duet with you? You are such a liar I can't stand you!!!!

There's also this piece of dookie he overdramatically offers in another clip: "I was going to make a career doing exactly what everyone told me I should not be doing."
JT's spiced vanilla is far from renegade. The Star Search to Mickey Mouse Club (including Brit, Christina, JLoveHewitt, Ryan Gosling) to Boy Band to Solo Career under the guidance of record company giants and big money management is not exactly trailblazing albeit wildly successful in JFake's case. Sure, he's achieved an accomplished career, celebrity and wealth, but does this all, at the ripe old age of 33, a Master make?

Instead of Master Class, just call it Oprah's Self-Serving Monotonous Celebrity Profiles.

Friday, May 9, 2014

DAP - Movie #6: Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

This is part of my ongoing series of DAP posts.

Dreamworks Animation Movie #6
Madagascar 2: Escape 2 Africa
2008
Rating: PG
Budget: 150 million
Box Office: 602 million plus (over half a billion dollars!!!)



IMDb Logline: "The animals try to fly back to New York City, but crash-land on an African wildlife refuge, where Alex is reunited with his parents."

This sequel was absolutely delightful! It's rare for a sequel to best its predecessor but this one goes down as my favorite Dreamworks Animated movie of those I have viewed so far.

The characters were developed even further, and even Chris Rock's Marty won me over. Despite my not loving his voice in Madagascar 1, it was comedic genius to have him voice the entire herd of thousands of zebras in the sequel.

What's really impressive is how well Madagascar 2 balanced all of the cool animal characters introduced in the first Madagascar, while adding new lovable animals to the fold - including Zuba, Alex's dad, voiced by the late great Bernie Mac.

This is no easy feat, considering along with the main 4 animal friends of Marty the Zebra, Alex the Lion, Gloria the Hippo and Ross, I mean Melman the Giraffe, they have:
the still terrific lemur King Julien;
the still adorable Mort;
the still hysterical penguin commandos, who elevated the movie every time one of them opened his cute little beak (Skipper even gets married to a hula doll, Lola);


and the happy return of the Chimp Duo Mason & Phil, who recruit an entire barrel of monkeys!
Yet, the writers were able to effectively integrate all of the various storylines and tie them together with a satisfying, uplifting ending, without any animals we loved getting lost in the shuffle.

I also appreciated the film's less traumatizing angle on the "Lion King" (also known as the other animated lion movie set in Africa concerning a father-son relationship that shall not be named by Dreamworks). The story was sweet, funny, and fun for all ages.

The music (with an assist from will.i.am, who also voiced the beefcake hippo Moto Moto) and choreography (yes, choreography is involved even in animated movies!) were excellent too.


I liked the movie so much, I rewatched most of it with the Filmmakers Commentary, available as a DVD special feature. It was really impressive to hear more about the complexities, hard work, attention to detail and teamwork involved in bringing this type of endeavor to completion over the course of 3.5 years. This movie didn't seem to cut corners in bringing its story to animated life - the creative team even took a 10-day trip to Africa to collect art, thousands of photos and at least a day's worth of video footage to inform their story-telling/animation. It strikes me that Madagascar 2 truly earned its half billion in revenue.

Exercise Day 7

and Gym Day 4 - done! 

Watching Cinnaholic on Shark Tank. I want some... NOW!!!! 

I love this show. TGIF!

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Exercise Day 6 & PlaySCOOP Limit Stud

I was about to drive past the gym straight home but against the odds, I actually logged 35 minutes on the treadmill at the gym (making day 3 at the gym - 47 to go for gym reimbursement).

Then, I had a (lentils, onion, garlic, red pepper, tomato and spinach) soup prepared by my Mummy - it was delicious! I need to learn how to make this:



Afterwards, because there weren't any No-Limit Holdem PlaySCOOP tournaments available tonight, I partook in PlaySCOOP Event #12 Limit Stud for the Low buy-in of 20K, joining 45 minutes late. I have never played Stud poker before and so I figured this would be an interesting experience, and also why I did not buy-in to the 2 Million High game, and also why I pitifully blinded my way out to a loss.

Ame
rican Idol is down to the Top 4, having them perform 3 songs each in one show (and multiple Lady Gag-a songs) - which is totally stupid. As Dani Voz from The Voice before her, Jessica Meuse performed the kiss of death in a televised singing competition: a weaker than Pink version of a Pink song. I'm forecasting Jessica's almost certain elimination. 


Jena Irene's final song of the night, also playing piano, was a "spell-binding"* version of Elvis's "Can't Help Falling In Love." I didn't watch the entire show tonight but this performance was definitely worth catching. I expect it to go viral. 
*(adjective used by judge Keith Urban, baby)
 

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Exercise Day 5 & Poopie PlaySCOOP

Why do I feel more out of shape on day 5 than day 1? I have not had dessert... yet. 

In poker news, I busted out of the High and Low games of PlaySCOOP NL Event #9 tonight, joining half hour late because of fitting in the treadmill after work. Pocket Aces cracked by KJ in the Low, and flush draw completed to beat my middle pair in the High. I should have raised more pre-flop with the Aces, but I think I made the right post-flop all-in move short-stacked in the High Game. Now my series record is 4 of 8 - shoot.

Myfitnesspal for once does not reflect a deficit in my daily calories bank:


Lo, exercise lets you eat more!! Which is convenient because exercise makes me hungrier! Now, how to spend this gift? Anything I desire kills me. 

Monday, May 5, 2014

PlaySCOOP Event 6

PokerStars play money tournament + rebuys + turbo + add-on = donkfest! Also known as the perfect equation for the complete opposite of a premiere tournament.
In the 5K Low buy-in game of Event 6, I placed 61/696 for a prize of 43,900. This was all thanks to luck, which ran out when I moved 8-6 short-stacked and desperate into pocket Aces. My prize was chump change compared to the cost of the 500K buy-in and two-time double-re-buy into the High Game of Event 6 for a grand total of 2.5M. Even though the structure of the tournament was worthless against such a high-buy in, I fell victim to my temptation to place in this one also. So far, I have placed in 4 of 6 PlaySCOOP tournaments I have played.


In other non-news, Adam Levine looks terrible as a blonde
Speaking of blondies, in lieu of exercising, I consumed multiple servings of this "sweet cream ice cream with blonde brownies & a salted caramel core."

Sunday, May 4, 2014

PokerStars PlaySCOOP


April 15, 2011 is regretfully known among the poker playing community as "Black Friday" - the day when major online poker companies, including PokerStars and Full Tilt Poker, stopped offering real money play to their United States customers, as a result of a crackdown by the federal government. 

As a small fish myself, I didn't have real money held up in my accounts on these sites but I was disappointed to be closed off from online real money events, including satellite opportunities to the annual World Series of Poker events held in Las Vegas: "The companies accounted for a large proportion of World Series of Poker qualifiers via online satellites. Additionally, other players lost access to the funds they could use to play in the events. As a result, the 2011 World Series of Poker main event had the highest percentage of foreign players (and lowest percentage of American players) in history... " [Wiki quote].

After Black Friday, Full Tilt was mired in scandal, allegedly operating a Ponzi scheme, and was subsequently acquired by PokerStars as part of a settlement with the U.S. government. PokerStars has emerged from the fallout with its integrity intact, returning funds to U.S. players. Unfortunately, the impact of Black Friday on poker has been huge - online poker pros were cut off from their livelihoods in the U.S. and games for recreational players like myself evaporated. No longer having a real money presence in the U.S. also effected a loss of advertising revenue, leading to cancellation of many of my favorite poker shows, such as Poker After Dark, The Big Game and High Stakes Poker. Opportunities for U.S. players to win their way into poker competitions dried up. There's been a sad state of affairs of online poker in the U.S. for years now, and while online poker has been legalized recently in a couple of states (including Nevada and New Jersey), most of the country still exists in an online poker vacuum.

PokerStars, a company I have respected for a long time, has now been leading an attempt to generate interest among U.S. players in play money tournaments. Play money online poker is not a new thing. These games usually suck however - with no semblance whatsoever to real money games, because there's no real money involved. However, PokerStars has tried to replicate the feel of large money events and tournaments in the play realm by creating high chip level stakes - the idea conceivably being that the level of play may possibly elevate if the buy-in would take some effort to accumulate, for example, a million play dollars. 

Some effort, or some actual dough - as PokerStars has incorporated a money-making enterprise as part of this whole endeavor. Players who have not yet accumulated millions in play money can purchase them online, with packages as low as $1.99 for 350K and better value options, such as $9.99 for 2M. This could add a modicum of seriousness to the usually senseless play money game, with my hope being that if you're buying play money chips, you'll value them more.

Now, it may seem far-fetched to use real money to buy fake money but U.S. poker players have been so deprived that this scheme could work. Not to mention, there are other games that have successfully lured players into investing real money into online ventures that involve no financial gain (damn you Clash of Clans for sucking up so much wasted time of my life). 

Complementing the play money packages for sale, PokerStars has implemented tournaments like the Sunday Billion - billed as the premiere event for their play money players (i.e. all of America). Along with offering a prize pool of a billion chips, PokerStars very cleverly advertises the tournament as an opportunity for players to prove their skills, stating on its website: "Anyone who can take down the Sunday Billion is surely a player to be reckoned with!" So now, PokerStars is smartly appealing to U.S. poker players looking to engage in competitive play and feel pride in their results, which was pretty much nonexistent on a play money level. PokerStars reinforces the value of play money tournaments on their official blog as well.

This week, PokerStars also introduced PlaySCOOP, a new play money version of their prestigious (and lucrative) real money series of tournaments know as the Spring Championship of Online Poker (SCOOP). PokerStars describes PlaySCOOP as "... your chance to experience the thrill of a major poker tournament, and play for your share of millions." Play money millions now have some sort of value, given the more you have, the more readily you can participate in PokerStars high-stakes play money games without having to invest in buying play chips.

While playing with fake money is never truly going to resemble real money games, PokerStars has successfully elevated the play money poker game in my experience so far. I spent a large part of this lazy Sunday playing the first three events of PlaySCOOP (each having a high and low buy-in version) and had a decent showing. Of the 7 tournaments I played, including the Sunday Billion, I cashed 
in 4:

PlayScoop Event #1 NL Hold'em [6-Max] (High Buy-in: 2M buy-in) – Finished 5/22 winning 14,270,000

PlayScoop Event #1 NL Hold'em [6-Max] (Low Buy-in: 20K buy-in) – Finished 21/860 winning 106,800

PlayScoop Event #3 NL Hold'em [Turbo, Progressive Super-Knockout] (High: 1M buy-in) – Finished 7/221 winning 3,978,000

Sunday Billion (1M buy-in) – Finished 155/868 winning 2,500,000

So, I wound u
p winning for the day over 20 million dollars (not including the bounties I earned from knocking out players in Event 3 and not subtracting the cost of the buy-ins). Wow, I'm fake rich bitch!


I would like to play more events in this first ever PlaySCOOP tournament series, ideally every No-Limit Hold'em event. However, on account of my real money-generating job, I'll miss many events this week. 

I am enjoying the feeling, even if it's exaggerated, of poker accomplishment. It would be nice, and would further support their mission, if PokerStars would offer a PlaySCOOP leader board or "Player of the Series" as they do with SCOOP. Now, if PokerStars wanted to generate even more interest in their play money offerings (as well as sell crazy play money), I'd suggest they offer WSOP main event seats based on performance in premiere play money tournaments. That would be amazing!


DAP - Movie #5: Madagascar

This is part of my ongoing series of DAP posts.

Dreamworks Animation Movie #5
Madagascar
2005
Rating: PG
Budget: 75 million
Box Office: 532 million plus (daaaaaaamn)



IMDb Logline: "Spoiled by their upbringing with no idea what wild life is really like, four animals from New York Central Zoo escape, unwittingly assisted by four absconding penguins, and find themselves in Madagascar, among a bunch of merry lemurs."

There was great voice talent in this movie- especially noteworthy was:

Sacha Baron Cohen as King Julien of the Lemurs (very entertaining and somewhat impersonating Babu from Seinfeld)


Ben Stiller (surprisingly worked) as Alex the Lion


David Schwimmer (especially surprising, until you realize his character is an exaggerated, more neurotic version of Ross from Friends) as Melman the Giraffe


and of course Tom McGrath (also a co-director) as Skipper, the leader of a hilarious troop of penguins


Chris Rock also starred as Marty the Zebra, a character clearly inspired by Eddie Murphy's Donkey in Shrek.


However, unlike the witty and winsome Donkey, Chris Rock's Marty lacked the necessary charm to compensate for his ridiculously annoying voice.

Chris Rock is a great comedian but not a great actor as evidenced by:
 

Seeing an energetic animated zebra instead of his continually perplexed acting face helped... somewhat.



There were also a pair of super-amusing chimps (like the monkey take on Jay & Silent Bob or Penn & Teller), who unfortunately disappear for most of the movie and reappear by the end.


 
While Madagascar was cute and I especially appreciated its NY roots, it still blows my mind that this movie made over half a billion dollars. Its sequel made even more moola. My research will involve seeing the entire trilogy.

Special shout out to the adorable Mort.

Exercise Day 4 plus Good Eating

The proof (and on a Saturday no less):
 

The stats are not much to brag about but I'll take it! That's day 2 in the gym - 48 more to go for membership fee reimbursement. 

In an attempt not to sabotage my efforts again, I decided to make a healthy chili for dinner. Cooking is rare for me but I was unusually motivated.

Here's how it came together:

99% Lean Ground Turkey Meat:


Chili spice kit (but I did not add the red pepper powder because I'm tame like that):











All natural no sugar added tomato sauce:

Accessories included mushrooms, seeded red pepper (but I think I was supposed to use green), low-fat cheese to sprinkle on top and fat-free sour cream.

The finished product (after I ate some):


My Momma made lunch the next day and it makes for a pretty picture so I'll add that also - wild sockeye salmon and veggies (after I ate some):













For dessert:
I shouldn't have (especially at 200 calories and 12 grams (7 saturated) a pop) but I also nibbled on this:



Friday, May 2, 2014

Exercise Day 3 (Oops I did it again)

I pay monthly membership fees for a gym I don't visit. I could have these fees largely reimbursed if I went 50 times in 6 months... too bad that's not 50 times in 8 years. I don't freeze my membership because, in my delusion, each night I go to bed with the hope that tomorrow I will embark upon habitually exercising my way to a speedo body... eventually.

Today, I finally showed up! I'm really out of shape- a little over 2 miles breathlessly completed in 35 minutes on the treadmill.

I also restarted using myfitnesspal this week to track my diet, which is documenting my crimes.

My post-workout dinner was not so bad (right?) - spicy tuna rolls including one avocado-topped, making it extra scrumdiddlyumptious. I forgot to request that they be rolled in more nutritious brown rice instead, which I actually prefer.

My weak workout fueled my appetite and I devoured both rolls (all 14 pieces)!! Well, sushi doesn't make for good leftovers anyway.

I could have should have stopped there but I did not. I recalled that I had a pint tucked away in my freezer.


I have a sugar addiction that I am wrestling to break (and by wrestling, I mean rolling around luxuriously in fields of gold).

This is myfitnesspal feedback regarding my calorie intake for the day after inputting the damage:


Eff me.