Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Exercise Day 2 & Introducing True Confessions

Consecutive days of exercise hasn't happened in eons. 
I need to document these rare occurrences.

Treadmill 35 minutes, 2.37 miles (I'm slower). 


It's counterproductive when I follow these sessions with (lots of) this:



*"Grandma's Pizza" (Bronx Style): 
#1 topped with mushrooms and crumbled sausage; 
#2 chicken w/ vodka sauce
YUMMMMMM

**not ordered through GrubHub


Monday, April 28, 2014

Stupid Voice Show

Why does The Voice ruin the actual live performances by immediately beforehand previewing key moments of the exact same performances from the rehearsals? The lead-in footage rendered performances (like show closer Sisaundra Lewis's "Oh Sherrie") into encores.

Kristen Merlin boldly sang Passenger's "Let Her Go" without changing the lyrics. 
 
This was followed by a back-handed compliment by Blake Shelton- some garbage about how he thought while she always looked comfortable on stage, she was finally starting to sound comfortable. I'd argue it's challenging to sound comfortable when you can't be heard at all.

I actually like Blake as a judge (much like I think the Voice can be an entertaining singing show even as I criticize it vehemently). However, Blake's commentary on Kristen has been questionable to me on more than one occasion - which is especially a shame considering country singer Kristen came into the competition hoping for Blake as a coach. 
When he didn't turn his chair for her blind audition, Blake commented "You're a great singer for sure... and I'll tell you why I didn't hit my button... You have a very fast vibrato... and when Shakira hit her button, I thought if there's anyone who can help with tips on control... oh my gosh, of course that's who she needs to be with. Man, if I was you, I think I'd be picking Shakira!" BULLSHIT.

Back to tonight's show, I was moved by Bria Kelly, more by her reaction to the judges' feedback than by her uneven performance of Avril Lavigne's "I'm with You." 
 
She put up a brave front as she wiped away escaping tears. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there, especially on a nationally televised platform, and it's even more impressive considering she's only 16. 

I didn't see the entire show but did also catch Audra McLaughlin's beautiful rendition of Reba McEntire's "You Lie." It was the perfect song to showcase her talent. She will definitely make it well past this next round of eliminations. 


Christina Grimmie also made a powerful impression with her signature take on Drake's "Hold On."

Exercise

I finally did it. 

Treadmill 37 minutes - 2.5 miles (I'm slow). 

Behold, the beast. 
Note, random cute baby chair and baby gates, the latter functioning more to keep me at bay than the baby. 

It wasn't much but right now, I feel like this:
*Gustave Moreau, via Wikipedia

Sunday, April 27, 2014

DAP - Movie #4: The Prince of Egypt


Dreamworks Animation Movie #4
The Prince of Egypt
1998
Rating: PG
Budget: 70 million
Box Office: 218 million plus


IMDb Logline: "An Egyptian prince learns of his identity as a Hebrew and, later his destiny to become the chosen deliverer of his people."

Review: One Rod Down.
I don't think watching Dreamworks Animated films this old will really be relevant to understanding the studio today. 
The dialogue was often painful and the story, while worthwhile, was ill-fitting for an animated feature film. The songs were unbelievably corny, with lyrics like: "With my father, brother, mother, oh so noble, oh so strong, now I am home, here among my trappings and belongings, I belong... I am a sovereign prince of Egypt, a son of a proud history that's shown, it's on every wall."
The Ten Commandments was epically entertaining. The Prince of Egypt is a weak copy, despite its ambitions and animated free reign, and even certain favorable changes (brotherhood rather than rivalry forged between Moses and his future rival, the Pharaoh). The animated Moses fell flat in look, movement and character development, never transcending a cartoon. Val Kilmer as his voice was meh, and when overly enunciating also served as the voice of God. The heart of the story was so dulled, by the time the plagues were unleashed, the animated Moses seemed more an antagonist than a hero. 

While I hope this movie was helpful to inspect for a historical perspective on Dreamworks Animation, it's galaxies apart from the studio's most successful contemporary ventures. Dreamworks has not only abandoned traditional animation in favor of computer animation, but possibly musicals along with hefty adult themes involving slavery and the smiting of children. Rather than prophets, heroes are now represented by an array of plucky animals. This movie is a good case for why.

DAP - Movie #3: Turbo

This is part of my ongoing series of DAP posts.

Dreamworks Animation Movie #3
Turbo
2013
Rating: PG
Budget: 127 million
Box Office: 282 million plus


IMDb Logline: "A freak accident might just help an everyday garden snail achieve his biggest dream: winning the Indy 500."

Review: I wouldn't have imagined that an animated movie featuring snails would ever work. Snails are weird looking and seem limited as far as story prospects. Turbo is indeed strange to behold at first. However, the animation is really impressive and the funky snails actually won me over. The predictable story was cute and entertaining, although it could be argued that the character stereotypes were "borderline racist."

According to Wikipedia, the film had one of the lowest grosses in Dreamworks Animation history and the studio took a loss because the film fell short of their expectations. I don't remember hearing anything about this movie when it was released (not that I would have watched it anyway). Also, maybe others, like me, assumed cartoon snails would be boring.


Themes: Self-actualization; following your dreams; the underdog champion; exceeding limitations:"slo no mo" poster tagline/improving your circumstances; superpower; bro-love  

Friday, April 25, 2014

DAP - Movie #2: Antz

This is part of my ongoing series of DAP posts.

Dreamworks Animation Movie #2
Antz
1998
Rating: PG
Budget: 105 million
Box Office: 171 million plus

IMDb Logline: "A rather neurotic ant tries to break from his totalitarian society while trying to win the affection of the princess he loves."

Review: This movie was never meant for children. The dialogue would go completely over their little heads, not to mention animated ants, like their real-life counterparts, are creepy looking. This is an animated movie for adults. Mental Note - Dreamworks is down with this, even lines like:
"I was going to include you in my erotic fantasies."
"What are you bitching about?"
"Call me crazy, but I have a thing about drinking from the anus of another creature."

I didn't love it probably because I was at my animated movie saturation point for the evening. Also, Woody Allen's voice creeps me out even when I can't see his dweeby face. It wasn't a bad story though and the dialogue was clever. Overall, an admirable and bold leap for Dreamworks Animation's first feature film, paving the way for animated films catering to adult appreciation.

Themes:
As stated by Woody-voiced Ant hero at the movie's conclusion: "Your average boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy changes underlying social order story."
As stated on movie poster: "Every ant has his day." Self-actualization.

Dreamworks Animation Project (DAP) - Movie #1: The Croods

Step 1 - Research. 
Watch every a lot of Dreamworks Animated movies. I'll explain maybe later. This post will probably be a boring read as it's more record-keeping for me.

Movie #1:
2013
Rating: PG (surprisingly- did you know that "thematic elements" qualify for a PG rating?!)
Budget: 135 million
Box Office: 587 million plus


IMDb Logline: "After their cave is destroyed, a caveman family must trek through an unfamiliar fantastical world with the help of an inventive boy."

Review: Started out wanting to hate it expecting an unnecessary copy of The Flintstones. Surprisingly, it won me over. Well-written. Clever dialogue and cute story. Charming characters. Opposable Thumbs Up.

Lessons/Notes:
Cute characters especially animals; angsty teen with ABC family sitcom parental themes; family friendly; vivid imagery (this one seemed inspired by Avatar); action scenes; happy ending; it's okay to be totally unrealistic; puppy love romance; comedy; modernized informal dialogue and lingo seemingly misplaced but that's the point; kid packaging but fully appreciable by adults 

Themes - family; father-daughter relationship; coming of age; overcoming fear

Character Notes:
Grug - Dad, loving, sacrificing, strong, overprotective, oaf, caveman Homer Simpson, comedic tool
Ugga - Mom, kind, sensible, cavewoman Marge Simpson
Eep - headstrong daughter, rebellious, carefree, reckless/brave, freedom-seeking, more busted cavegirl version of Ariel, the Little Mermaid
Thunk - younger brother, doofus, dimwitted, lovable, comedic tool
Sandy - baby, doubles as family dog, cavebaby Maggie Simpson, growls instead of sucking pacifier, comedic tool
Gran - Grandma, Grug's mother-in-law, ornery, wise-cracking, inappropriate, comedic tool
Guy - neanderthal hottie, Eep's love interest, surfer dude genius inventor, neanderthal Aladdin, comedic tool

Lovable animal crew:
Belt - Guy's pet sloth, akin to Aladdin's monkey Abu
Douglas - Thunk's dog crocodile, akin to The Flintstones' Dino
"Chunky the Death Cat" - Macawnivore, looks like furry giant, saber-toothed tiger, appears to be predator but is actually loveable and cuddly, akin to The Flintstones' Baby Puss
Other animals rescued by Grug when he overcomes his fear - Liyote (reminds me of Ren from Ren and Stimpy); Trip Gerbil (looks like siamese mini-koala twins)

Trick Worth Mimicking: The Full Circle
Dropping events/lines/jokes/animals that seem incidental but then revealing that they are meaningful via circling back cleverly (examples include snap shot, defining joke, rescued animals)

Direct Line to Ellen DeGeneres?

Still fired up by The Voice's unfair treatment of Kristen Merlin, now a top 10 finalist (no thanks to The Voice), I tweeted this politically incorrect message to Ellen earlier this week:


Not unlike this blog, I have zero* human followers on Twitter by the way. Well, check out footage from today's episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show!


Whatever you want to call it (coincidence, influence, crass, megalomania, psychic), this is effing cool!

*UPDATE - I just noted that I do have one real live Twitter follower! Thank you @jillsomers

Thursday, April 24, 2014

American Idol Stereotypes the Top 6 - April 23, 2014

I'm not even sure why I caught the beginning of tonight's live show, which opened with a very contrived "Meet The Idols Live - Top 6" video, riddled with prop guitars, and totally not photogenic camera angles all up in contestants' faces. The worst of it were the cliched labels tacked on to each of the finalists:

1) Caleb Johnson - who regularly channels Jack Black from School of Rock, i.e. THE HARD ROCKER

2) Sam Woolf - the HEARTTHROB (this kid looks like he's 15 years old and is more prepubescent than throbby)








3) Jessica Meuse - the REBEL (likely inspired by the pink highlights in her hair and nose ring because her performances are rather tame. If this woman is a rebel, then I am a NY Jets football star and defender of the universe)





4) C.J. Harris - the ROOTS ROCKER (yes, C.J. is African-American, hence the reference to the TV miniseries/Alex Haley novel)
 




5) Alex Preston - the TROUBADOUR (do the AI producers/bad label-makers even know the meaning of this word? Dude, I had to look it up. By the way, he's from New Hampshire, not medieval France, and I'd rather misidentify him as indie pop than folksy)






6) Jena Irene - the WILDCARD (again, I'm not exactly sure what specifically makes her a wildcard in this competition other than the wacky outfits the AI stylists keep inflicting upon her) 

 
What was the thinking exactly behind assigning these individuals such limiting, and even inaccurate, classifications? Does a troubadour have as much of a shot at the grand prize as a hard rocker or a heartthrob? The whole premise of the show rests on Americans' votes to determine the champion, but it seems AI producers deem the viewing public capable of assessing only prepackaged, one-dimensional, pigeonholed, cartoon characters (my own overuse of labels!)... in a singing competition. In a weird way, maybe this does an idol make?

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Voice Effs Over Kristen Merlin... Again (Sabotage?)

I first noticed Kristen Merlin during the "blind" auditions of the Voice. I don't even follow country music (or the Voice) but I thought she nailed it. I put "blind" in quotes because my skeptical nature does not allow me to entertain that Blake Shelton was oblivious to Kristen's appearance when he chose not to swivel his chair.

Kristen already had an uphill battle in this competition, the winner of which is ultimately determined by viewer votes. No matter how talented she is, I can't see a butch lesbian winning a popularity contest in America. Well, The Voice producers seem committed to giving gravity an assist by greasing the hill and dropping anvils on our girl.

After the blind auditions, contestants are further weeded out in not one, but two, Battle Rounds, and not once, but twice, Kristen's battles were not featured on television along with her other competitors. Instead, "blink and you won't hear them" recaps established that Kristen had made it to the Playoffs round, in which the coaches made their final team cuts before the live show featuring the 12 finalists. No other finalist's Battle Rounds were recapped twice (or at all, save one other finalist, Christina Grimmie). In a show, where fan following and viewer votes determine the winner, I can't imagine that the show's producers don't realize the deficit this wreaks on a competitor. Now, to dig that hole twice as deep for the same (and only) person is either inexcusably careless or effing calculated. So fine, life, and apparently The Voice, isn't fair.

However, tonight, I witnessed an event that I don't believe has ever happened to a finalist on any (including the live airings) of the now absurd number of singing competitions on television. Tonight, in the first live show of the competition, Kristen Merlin's microphone went dead in the middle of her performance, rendering the climax of her song inaudible to anyone. 

Here's video - her performance was stunning despite her being silenced for the 21 seconds (1:24 to 1:45) immediately preceding the last word of the song.


For those who would argue that those last 20 seconds or so are neglible, I draw your attention to the final seconds of these performances:

1) 2:48 t0 3:12 in this clip of Whitney Houston's performance of the National Anthem at the 1991 Super Bowl:


2) 1:40 to 2:02 of Paul Potts' star-making performance on Britain's Got Talent:



3) Would it not diminish her Grammy-winning performance if 20 seconds were botched off of any part of Jennifer Hudson's climax here in Dreamgirls?



The judges attempted to smooth over the debacle with trite remarks, such as commenting that Kristen handled the situation so gracefully that it seemed like nothing had happened. However, shit did happen! This "mishap" eviscerates the purported integrity of this sham of a competition! Now, The Voice is proceeding along through the rest of the live show like nothing went awry, as if they didn't just majorly screw over a finalist in a voting-based round determining eliminations.


A solitary mic-failing incident would be bad enough, but a series of unfortunate "coincidences" reeks to me and you know that saying (that I just improvised) - if it looks and smells like horse shit, then you don't need to effing eat it to know what The Voice is serving, with an anvil on top.


SUPPORTING FACTS?
http://jezebel.com/producers-may-be-manipulating-who-wins-on-the-voice-1548169134

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Orange Is The New Black

Completed the first season of this Netflix original series in a marathon viewing session this weekend. It was very well cast, acted and written. It also superflously reinforced my desire to stay out of prison. This show is based on the real life story of Piper Kerman and her best-selling memoir after which the show is named. Prison is no joke yo. My BFF and I had a debate over which is preferable- bunking with a felon or solitary confinement. Then realizing quickly that this riddle sucks and is better left unanswered, I comforted myself by binging on waffle fries. My favorite shade of orange is deep fried golden.
*Mental & actual blog note - Replace this photo (courtesy nycfoodguy.com) with my own image of waffle fries before inhaling said fries. 

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Tony Boloney's Cheesesteak Ole

Picked some up in AC as a consolation prize. It's effing good! I ate it before I remembered to take a picture. I can taste why it's a cheesesteak champ!

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Borgata Spring Poker Open Event 1

I've never blogged about a poker tournament before and I'm surprised to be doing so now. I'm more surprised that I even made it to AC to play tonight. This will be an experiment in more ways than one.


The time is 7:21 pm and the 7 pm tourney has not yet started. 
7:23 pm - "Shuffle Up & Deal" announcement. Wish me luck!

9:08 pm - First break almost over, struggling to stay alive. I think I'm getting outplayed in here by maniacs. This is why I hate rebuy tournaments. I'll need luck to persevere. Down to 19K from 25K starting stack- blinds are still low though.

10:45 pm - Second break came at perfect time; I had to pee so badly. I'm hanging in at 21K but I need to pick up steam. Blinds will be 300/600 with 100 antes after break. Please- luck kick in now!!! Have to remind myself that it's a marathon and not a sprint except I hate marathons and running and would finish last in even a sprint, so that's not so encouraging.

1:21 am - Guess how well the tournament has been going based on this picture:

Yes, back in my hotel room after crapping out. Most disappointingly, I didn't play well. In fact, I effing sucked.

Time to sleep it off. Good night! 

Sunday, April 6, 2014

I don't hate effing everything! (with a side dish of hating on TrueDetective)


My blog may come across overly critical - I can't imagine why?! I'm looking forward to tonight's Season 4 premiere of Game of Thrones, which is an effing excellent show! Maybe I'll blog about this while Walking Dead is on hiatus. 

"If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of a divine reward, then, Brother, that person is a piece of shit." That's a gem from True Detective, which I'm watching now. Somewhat of a slower pace than my ADD tends to support but so far, so good.
I'll keep ya'll posted. 

p.s. Just finished Episode 5 of True Detective and I don't want to spoil it, but it's pretty predictable where this thing is going. At least, it finally picked up the story after meandering through multiple episodes.

p.s.s. Actually, I was wrong. I just saw the finale to True Detective and it totally didn't go where I expected; it just went nowhere. Fine, the characters went through transformations but the actual murder mystery that tricked me into watching what were simply character studies was almost worthless. What's wrong with people these days? So many online viewers were hyping up this show like they owed fiduciary duties to HBO. Sure, True Detective wasn't terrible but it certainly didn't live up to all that hype. I guess my expectations were inflated. 
True Detective Report Card (with an admission that report cards generally suck):
Casting - 

Acting - 

Writing: dialogue and one liners - "What's scented meat?"


Plot movement/Pace - 


Overall story & Resolution - 


The payoff doesn't support plodding along through a story that could have been told in half as many episodes as it took, unless you're obsessed with the bromance between Matty and Woody. They did deliver terrific performances but the story fell flat despite the meaningful development of the characters they were portraying. If you're not a story person, including one who cares about good endings like myself, then you won't feel as let down.